Humans are Strange...

by Day-Late

Earlier this month, while Meowmie was doing one of those strange human things called "Spring Cleaning," I decided I needed a peaceful place to escape. So I decided to hang out with my brofur-in-law Right and ask him a few questions.

Day-Late: Hey, Buddy. I'm glad we have a chance to sit and chat and get to know each other a little better.

Right: Me too, Day-Late! Jessie is always such a computer hog when you're around.

Day-Late: I'm almost embarrassed to ask you this question (because I hate it when people ask me this), but how did you get your name?

Right: Our names (my twin brofur and I) are Right and Left. That is a little confusing to begin with, but how we got our name is rather funny. When we were kittens, you couldn't tell us apart, all except for one small thing. I have two blue eyes, thus I did it RIGHT. Left had two colored eyes, his LEFT eye is gold and his right eye was blue, so he got called Left. But later he found out that Turkish Vans are supposed to have two colored eyes, so actually Left is right, and Right is wrong....

Day-Late: What is like being a twin? Do you and Left get along? How about your other housemates?

Right: Having a twin is really the greatest thing to have. We are buds, friends, companions, he cleans my ears, I clean his. You know how that goes. Left and I get along very well, we argue when the big boy is grumpy, we box and wrestle a lot, but in the long run, when it counts, we are the best of friends.

Because we are twins we do everything together, we fight together, sleep together, eat together. It is really funny to watch our eating ritual. Left gets Mom up at 7 am. She shuffles into the kitchen and fixes our food, then puts it on two little plates, when she sets them down at our feeding station, side by side, Left goes to the left side and I go to the right side, every single time. Once in a while I end up on the wrong side and we have to switch, there is a big production out of that, but we get settled down and clean our plates. If there is anything left over Jessie will nibble at it, then Sassy will try to bury it. But we usually clean our plates pretty good. We like to clean each others ears too, then when we are done taking turns doing that we usually get into a wrestling match.

As for those girls that also live here... well, Jessie ignores me most of the time, she is older than I am you know, and I try so hard to be friends with her, but no dice, she just tolerates me. Now SassyJazmine on the other hand is the same age as me and you would think we would be the best of friends, but she doesn't like me either, not one little bit. I try real hard but she growls at me, I go out of my way to walk across the room to be real close to her, she growls. I wrestle my sausage toy and flip it over to her, she growls. I try to sit with her on the window perch, she growls. I just can't win, and that isn't fair because I am a nice guy.

Day-Late: I hear you like to tuck people into bed at night. How did you develop that habit?

Right: Boy, bedtime around this house is a very busy time for me. When Mom gets ready to go to bed, I race her down the hall for the bedroom, get on the bed and wait for her to do her human bedtime stuff. Then, when she is tucked safely into bed, I go off to find my Dad to make sure he gets into his bed okay too. Very busy time of the night. I don't know how it got started, but it is a nightly ritual at our house, and when we have company there is the added stress of making sure that they are tucked in and safe too. It is a big responsibility you know.

Day-Late: I know how those responsibilities go...I'm constantly being reminded that I have rent to pay! Do you have any habits that get you into trouble at home? Do the humans stay mad at you for long?

Right: Everything I do gets me into trouble. Mom always says that I should have been named Wrong instead of Right, because I am in trouble more than anyone in the house, and that's the truth too, Day-Late. I am not a bad sort of guy, just very misunderstood. But I have these great big blue eyes and a goofy look on my face that will get me out of trouble every time, I don't think Mom has stayed mad at me for more than a minute or two. I just don't think I could stand it if she did. I don't really have a secret for staying on the humans good side. I act goofy, look cute, appear dumb (that is just an act you know) and always, always show everyone how much they mean to me. My Mom can NOT stay mad at me for any reason. In fact, she has said a number of times that is why I am still alive today, I am just too sweet to be mad at. It is all in the way you hold your tongue. When she is mad at you, look her square in the eyes, your eyes are just a little crossed, your tongue peeking out between your fangs and one ear a little cockeyed. She melts every single time.

Day-Late: That must be where the phrase "love sponge" comes into play...does it apply to you?

Right: Yes the word Love Sponge does apply to me, I think the word was invented to try and describe me. I love everyone equally, I am the official meeter and greeter at our house. I am the official lap cat, although Jessie tries to say she is. But that isn't true, there isn't enough love in the whole world for me, because I have figured out that the more you give, the more you get. Not a bad deal huh?

Day-Late: What is your favorite food? Do you like people food? Do you try to steal it?

Right: I love to eat anything that is red, yes, that's right, anything that is red. I usually get into trouble for begging, I am not supposed to but sometimes I just can't help it. Spaghetti, let me at it, I love spaghetti, and chicken!!! What I wouldn't do for some chicken, that usually ends up getting me in trouble, especially if I steal some off Mom's plate (which I have done a time or two). I love to eat, but you would never know it because I am a skinny little guy. Well maybe anyone would look little and skinny next to Left (the big Ox). I don't prefer people food over canned or dry kibble, I will eat it all with gusto, but there are a few things that drive me over the edge and I just can't be held responsible for what I do when Meowmie cooks that stuff.

Day-Late: Is your Daddy really a tyrant?

Right: My fafur's nick name is Jeffie THE Tyrant, the Uncle gave it to him when he was a little boy and for some reason (he isn't a tyrant after all) the name stuck, and he is still Jeffie THE Tyrant to this day. But he is really one of the nicest of humans, I think you would really like him Day-Late.

Day-Late: Are you an inside or an outside kitty?

Right: I am (not by choice) an inside kitty. We do get to go play on the screen porch, it has toys and chairs and tables and things for us to lay on. That is nice on a hot summer day with the cold cement and the warm tropical air, a dish of food, fresh water and a fresh litter box. You know, come to think about it, I really have a luxury lifestyle...

Day-Late: This may be a strange question if you're a totally inside kitty, but how's your love life? Do you have a wink?

Right: How is my love life? Well it sucks if you really want to know. None of the girls in the house want anything to do with me, and that female that hangs around outside yowls at me through the window but mom won't let me go out to play with her. I am to shy to ask a girl out on a date, and when I am around one I get all red in the ears and stutter, and drool!!! Good grief, one time I tried to talk to a girl and I drooled!!! I never saw her again.

Day-Late: Well, in that case, do you have a favorite game? A favorite toy?

Right: I actually have three favorite games. One is the Race Car game, driving my race car up and down the hall, making a sharp turn on top of Meowmie (when she is in bed sleeping), racing back down the hall, through the kitchen, into the living room, making another death defying sharp turn, and going back the way I just came. Left and I do that in the middle of the night when no one is around, less traffic that way. Sometimes I can con Sassy into playing race car with me, but usually it is Left.

My second favorite game is boxing. Left and I box a lot, it is so much fun. We sit facing each other, then Left will (claws aren't allowed) bop me on top of my head. I will put my ears down, bop him on top of his head, and then he bops me again. We do that a little harder and a little faster with each whack, until finally we end up wrestling and rolling over and over across the floor. We have knocked chairs over, end tables over, sometimes we get real carried away, but I am always the winner, Left likes to act as if he is the winner, but it is me, really. That is a fun game.

And last but not least, I always try to think up new ways to make friends with SassyJ, she isn't buying any of this because she doesn't like me, so she says. Sometimes she forgets and ends up playing with me, but most of the time she just growls. When the magic red dot comes out, Sassy and I take turns chasing it, that is about the only thing she will share with me, I can't wrestle with her but we do play the race car game, and I sleep in her bed when she isn't looking, then she gets mad at me. But I try, heavy sigh.

My favorite toy is a Halloween sausage toy. It is black with pictures of those orange candy corns on it, and it has fringe on it. I believe you sent it to Jessie a few years ago, I borrowed it from her, but I just couldn't help myself, I love that toy. I wrestle it, lay on it, carry it around, even offer it to Sassy when I am on a friendship binge, yup, I love that toy.

Day-Late: Other than girls, are you afraid of anything? What do you do when you're scared?

Right: I am not afraid of much, except hurricanes of course. I have been through 5 hurricanes, but only two of them really scared me. When we get ready for a hurricane, out come our carriers, we each have a carrier, harness and a leash. I am not fond of the harness at all, but I will wear it. I really want to hide when the big wind comes. It lasts for hours and the house creaks and groans. When it gets real bad we all have to go into the carriers because mom is afraid we will hide and she won't be able to get to us if she has to. Other than that I am not afraid of anything, well hardly anything. When the big trucks come down the street, everyone runs for cover but I run to the window and look out, it is a hard job guarding the house and the humans in it.

But my favorite thing is when someone comes to the door, everyone hides under Mom's bed, but not me, I am the official Meeter and Greeter, I go to the door to see who is there. If I do feel as if I have to hide, I run under Mom's bed and get into a pile with Jessie and SassyJazmine, that is the only time the girls will let our fur touch, when we are all scared and hiding under Mom's bed. The girls need to be protected you know.

Day-Late: Do you consider yourself devilish?

Right: I don't really think I am what you would call devilish. I do however like to play jokes on everyone, make the humans laugh, and occasionally tease the girls. Mom keeps saying that no one can stay mad at me because of the goofy look on my face. But it isn't a goofy look, I call it my "cute" look. And hey! If it works then do it. That is my motto.

Day-Late: Well, you know I usually write a column called Humans are Strange. You seem to be pretty observant. Have you noticed any really strange things that humans do?

Right: Well yeah Day-Late, half the things my humans do are strange. For example, they want to sleep at night instead of play, and then get mad at me when I try to play with them in the middle of the night. Mom doesn't seem to mind waking up to a bed full of toys, but Jeffie doesn't like it. And Mom seems to think I need to wait till she has her coffee in the morning before she gives us breakfast, I would do it myself, but I can't get the can open.

She has so many rules, no eating off her plate while she is eating, no sitting on the counter while she is cooking, no begging (but I do sit real close and look cute), no sitting in her lap when she is in the little room (that has something to do with bare skin and claws), I am not supposed to sleep OR pee in the fresh clothes from the dryer, and she doesn't want my cat hair on her navy uniform shirt. She gets mad when I chew the little plastic thingies off her shoe laces and even madder when I try to beat up SassyJ . If I didn't like her so well I would say she takes all the fun out of life, but that isn't true either. She always makes sure we each have at least one toy that we can't live without, and if we lose it, she will help us look till we find it.

But what I hate most is when she goes on one of her cleaning binges. She digs my stash of snacks out from behind the chair and vacuum's up my cat hair padded nest, she is relentless in her cleaning and when she is done nothing is right. The furniture is all moved in the wrong places, all my padded sleeping spots are gone, everything smells like polish and I have no snacks for nap time.

Day-Late: Well, since I was avoiding the house cleaning when I came over here, I guess that just proves that humans are strange, they really are! And thanks for letting me hang out with you today!!

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