When Will We Ever Learn?

In life, things happen. Or as the advertisement says, "Life Comes at You!". Now Clarence of Belden and I, Henri of Twin Brook try to live a simple, uncomplicated life. I write stories and Clarence spends a lot of his time in his person's observatory taking pictures of galaxies and nebula. I have no idea what they are but he is the cat taking the photographs, not I.....
But I digress. I wanted to discuss the fact that on evenings when my persons take off for a function and we cats are left alone with Ashley our dog, I usually invite Clarence over for a night of computer fun and games. Sometimes we try out new JavaScript or do something with our photographs. On this particular night, when my persons took off for a movie, Tonya and Helen, the two queens in this household, bolted into the computer room, booted up the computer and settled down for an evening of searching for silly and unimportant things. Even Stella got involved. "Oh look at the pretty scarf!" she'd meow, pawing at the screen. Cats seldom if ever, wear scarves! The point is, the queens of the household had taken over the computer and refused to religuish its use to us tom cats!
Then they found some graphics of animals with wings sprouting from their shoulders. "Oh!" purrs Tonya, breathlessly, "if we had wings, we could soar above the trees and play games within the clouds! Wouldn't that be exciting, girls?" Stella and Helen purred their agreement and then Tonya brought up another website. "Look! Look, Helen! A graphic of a kitty with wings! Doesn't she look marvelous?" Tonya paws played over the computer's keys, calling more and more images of creatures with wings sprouting from their backs.
Clarence looked at me with dismay. Disappointment darkened his eyes. "I don't think we'll ever get to use the computer tonight, Henri," he growled.
Helen, Stella and Tonya continued in their for flying animals and Clarence and I continued to fuss and fret. "Oh, Tonya, if we really did have wings attached we could fly around the city and meow at all of our friends. Wouldn't that be wonderful!"
Clarence never learns. I never learn. In frustration and dispair, Clarence blurted out in raucous meow, "It would take about eight pair of wings attached to each of your backs before either one of you could get your big butts off the ground!"
I have heard the expression that there is always calm before the storm. It is true. Slowly, Tonya turned to face us.

"I beg your pardon!"

Her meow was like thunder roaring through the skies! Clarence and I vacated the room together, colliding in the doorway in our mad effort to get away! Frantically we clawed at the back door, opened it and escaped into the haven of night! We ran! We fell! We ran some more. We ran until our lungs burned with fatigue and our bodies ached! We ran until we fell and could no longer get up to run some more. We had run for our lives! Our breathing came in rasps and wheezes. We ran until we could no longer get our legs to move! We crawled under a barberry bush and waited in the still of darkness. It began to rain. First it was a few, gentle drops and then the heavens opened up in a torrent of wetness. Our fur grew soggy. Water dripped from our whiskers. Eventually, the rain stopped. We were exhausted but we felt safe there and finally fell asleep.
I heard the soft meow first and awakened, prepared to run once again. "Clarence! Henri!" It was Stella who gazed in at us from beyond the prickly stems of the bush. "You can come home now. I think Tonya and Helen have almost forgiven you. But if you two tom cats are smart, you should stop off at the Dumpster and pick up a little something for Helen and Tonya. Shrimp or lobster would do. See you back at the house." And then she was gone.
We found a nice scoop of left over tuna fish salad and the remains of some cocktail shrimp. We wrapped them in a napkin and with great ceremony, arranged them on the doormat in front of the backdoor. Clarence sang a few choruses of "Who's Sorry Now?" Helen opened the door and stood aside. "Did you boys have a nice evening out?"
For the next two weeks, I was required to give all of my cat treats to Tonya and Helen. I was not permitted to take naps on the living room couch for seven days and Clarence was required to find wild catnip and bring a fresh cutting of same everytime he came over for a visit. Those queens really mean business!

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