He's Growing Up!!!
I had been out in the garden, surveying the last of the summer flowers when Carlyle stopped by to meow. He was concerned about the coming winter and the food supply for the Evergreen Lake Colony. "Not only must we cats plan ahead but with Thanksgiving and Christmas coming within a few months we must be sure we have enough food and toys for the little ones. They do look forward to the holidays." So we discussed briefly, our plans for getting donations for the colony. Then Raymond Hazelwitz, rodent activist climbed over the back gate and joined in the discussion.
"It's always on my mind," he chattered, smoothing his whiskers. "Brenda and I have been out canvassing vendors and the like for donations and even cash."
"So thoughtful of you, Raymond," purred Carlyle, patting the rat on the head. "I've always been able to depend on you."
At that moment, Clarence of Belden climbed over the fense and joined us in the garden amongst the weeds. "I happened to stop by to see how our new boy in town is doing, and let me meow to you, he is really growing up! He's no longer a kitten and he changed his name from Charles to T.J. How do like that?"
"T.J.?" chattered Raymond. "Those are initials, not a name."
"T. J. stands for Tyler-Jessica," meowed Clarence. "It seems his person wanted a female cat, not a male cat so he gave the animal an ambiguous name."
Helen my housemate sauntered into the garden, brushing aside the weeds as she made her way toward us. "From what I've heard, T.J. the cat formally known as Charles, is due for a little operation, that is, removal of certain body parts..."
"Well," chattered Raymond, "that should make the boy more girlie, don't you think?"
"I beg your pardon, rat! What did you chatter?" I growled. Not only had I arched my back, but my tail had doubled in size, so offended by the rodent's remark. For the first time since I had met Raymond, my instincts prevailed. I was ready to pounce! Raymond hid behind a watering can my person had left in the garden. Clarence was slowly approaching the rat, his eyes glaring, his fur puffed up around his neck.
Helen, smacked me in the ribs, then turned swiftly and delivered a swift right hook to Clarence's nose. "Calm down, you overgrown macho toms! Raymond didn't mean to offend what's left of your masculinity although he probably should have chosen his words more carefully..."
"Really sorry about that, guys. Didn't realize you were so sensitive about that de-tomming operation," replied Raymond, slowly and carefully venturing out from behind the watering can."You will forgive this old rat, won't you?"
Clarence grumbled. I sulked a bit just to let Raymond know that my feelings and ego had been wounded. "Well, okay," meowed Clarence. "But the real reason I came over here was to tell you all that I thought we should take Charles aka T.J. to the dumpster for dinner some night. You know, sort of get him acquainted with the other toms in the neighborhood."
"Better make it before he gets feminized, boys!" purred Helen. "Get him while he's still a tomcat!" I wanted to slug that queen! I wanted to drown her in the bird bath. I wanted to strangle her with my bare paws! But I knew, if I tried to slug her, that swift right paw would shred my nose and if I tried to drown her in the bird bath, I would get all wet and if I tried to strangle her with my bare paws, that she devil would wrap me around a tree and feed me to the squirrels! She is one tough broad of a cat!
Carlyle cleared his throat. "Perhaps we guys should learn to get in touch with our feminine side," he meowed. "No cat is all male as no cat is all female. We are a composite of each. I read that in one of the books on sexuality at the library.."
"Oh, shut up Carlyle!" I hissed. "What if Helen decided to get in touch with her masculine side? Have you ever thought about that? No tomcat would be safe from that lethal right paw and devastating left hook!"
"You have a point there, Pussycat," remarked Raymond Hazelwitz, who had been sitting quietly, taking in our feline conversation.
"The name is Henri, Henri of Twin Brook!" I snarled. "I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat from the kitchen."
Helen nodded and started walking toward the back door of our house. "Clarence, would you help me get some cheese from the refrigerator? Carlyle, be a dear and help me make up a catnip milkshake. Henri, get out the good napkins and get some cracked corn from the basement for our friend Raymond."
Things were very normal once again..
The End Again
Pat my whiskers to return to my homepage.
Hereafter, would any cat or rat coming into my garden please refrain from climbing over the gate. Unlatch the gate, swing it open and enter in a respectable manner. Thank you very much!